Forever Iris

The Holiday is one of my favorite movies. I think it's just so sweet and I am a total sucker for Jude Law--and Kate Winslet can do no wrong in my book. And, clearly, England, duh. 

However, sometimes it's very hard for me to watch--I am Iris.

"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back."-- Iris

All the men in my life tend to end up as my Jasper Bloom. I can't say no, I am too nice, I will always go back, I will bend over backwards, I will send you an opening night care package, a "good luck on your interview!" card, I will allow you to flirt with me and break my heart all over again--I will cry myself to sleep at night--and I will do it again and again if he asks me to. You know, the actual definition of insanity and all. Me, I'm it. I'm insane.

I have this problem where if I ever loved you even for a second, I cannot remove you from my life. So, we stay friends and usually, my little heart holds onto some minuscule little microcosm of hope that things will change, and you will remember what We had and it will be Just Like It Always Was Only Better. Spoiler alert, it doesn't happen.

"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you."--Iris

And so, I am forver Iris. I am the friend, the supporter, the cheerleader even though you ripped my heart out--I can forgive you because guess what? I'm the nicest person you'll ever meet.

It's a real goddamn problem.

Iris: Well, I just wanted to get away from all the people I see all the time!... Well, not all the people... one person. I wanted to get away from one... guy. An ex-boyfriend who just got engaged and forgot to tell me. Arthur: So, he's a schmuck. Iris: As a matter of fact, he is... a huge schmuck. How did you know? Arthur: He let you go. This is not a hard one to figure out. Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend. Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant. 

I already made a No Schmucks in 2013 rule, but, so far, I have broken that rule (in my defense, we started dating in 2012 and I didn't foresee him being a schmuck) (I mean, I should have known).

Maybe I aim for No Schmucks in 2016? 2014 just seems too ambitious ya know?

Right, so, Arthur's lesson was to be the leading lady in her life, how do we do that? How do I, little miss ready to sell her soul and left arm for love, figure out how to be a leading lady? I have no idea, but, I imagine it involves learning to say no to all the Jasper Bloom's of the world and to say yes to what I want. Weird thought.

So, what do I want? Right now, I want to stay up late reading home decor blogs and watching Skyfall in my flannel jammies. What of it?

Alright my leading ladies, what do y'all want to do?