The other day, I found myself baking cookies, drinking Diet Coke and watching Sex & The City--I really felt I was doing my girl Bridget Jones proud.
Sadly, those moments have happened more and more in the last few weeks, I am struggling--but, what else is new? My point exactly.
I am trying to push those thoughts out of my head, but, truth is, I've just been asked to be the maid of honor in my cousin's wedding this summer--my most beloved cousin, the woman I am named after--her wedding. You know, with family and fancy dresses and everyone seeing me there ALONE.
Mortifying. Very, very mortifying.
And of course, my parents have told me "you can just come with us!" which is true, I could, but, really? No sir. Then comes the whole part that it is a family wedding, so, I don't want to take just A Date, I'd rather take A Boyfriend Type Man Thing, but, how do I find one of those? And then I flash back to thoughts of introducing a certain ex to my family and how he would have fit in perfectly and loved my hilariously insane crew. So, there's that.
But seriously, how does a workaholic, nearly 30, world traveling, yoga teaching gal meet a respectable man? Because I've got no earthly idea.
Fill a sister in!
Monday, April 22, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
The thing about trust....
Happy Sunday! Today, all I want to do is sit at a leisurely brunch, eating French toast and chatting with my friends, but, instead I'm holed up at a Starbucks for free WiFi while I wait for my boss to open the studio. It's not as bad as it sounds, really.
This morning, I got to thinking about trust. I am, as anyone would tell you, forever Pollyanna. I believe the good in everyone and everything--no matter how many times I've been burned, I will hold out hope that the goodness will emerge. I slap on a happy face even when I've gotten no sleep and want to cry. My boss pointed out to everyone yesterday that I was Little Miss Optimist. Tis true. I am. It's just a better way to live life, ya know? Happy--even fake happy is better than emo grunge band depressed.
But, it's a real pain in the ass in the dating world.
Let me explain: because of my Suzi Sunshine disposition, I am inclined to believe you when you say things to me. When you say you want to date me and only me, I believe you. When you say you want to run off to Rome with me, I believe you. When we spend every single night together and you tell me you miss me when I'm away--I believe you. I wouldn't say I am gullible (maybe I am), but, when it comes to matters of the heart, I am entirely too trusting.
Even with as burned, battered, and bruised as I am, I still trust, still believe. Because, as dumb as it is, I hold onto hope. Onto the fact that we can be inclined for good. That people mean what they say. Although every single experience I've had over the last year has been otherwise.
What I need to do, is harden myself. Figure out how to not trust, how to not believe. How to just hear the words and let them slide off me. Not to let them get into my soul and twist me all up inside.
But, how? How do I pretend I don't care? Because y'all, I care. I care about everything. I am empathetic to a leaf on tree for godsakes!
This week, I am making the epic mistake of going to the symphony with an ex, RC, whom, I still haven't told you about because it's still to hard and also, I don't even know what to say. We've remained friends, which, sometimes is great, other times, it's gut wrenchingly horrible and I want to stab myself in the eye because he's a big big jerk who I loved and who has gotten to know sides of me hidden for so long that I can't cut him out of my life because I need someone who knows THAT version of me. Jesus.
And he is the bastard who doesn't trust, who doesn't believe, who cannot commit. So, basically, I need him to be my Jedi Master.
And also, I need to find a super hot, maybe somewhat slutty dress to wear to the symphony. Very "You Messed Up And Lost This", you know. Oh lawsy mercy, I am an idiot. But, free tickets to the symphony from my former boss? I couldn't say no!!
How do you get over the pain? How do you turn your heart off and stop trusting? How?
This morning, I got to thinking about trust. I am, as anyone would tell you, forever Pollyanna. I believe the good in everyone and everything--no matter how many times I've been burned, I will hold out hope that the goodness will emerge. I slap on a happy face even when I've gotten no sleep and want to cry. My boss pointed out to everyone yesterday that I was Little Miss Optimist. Tis true. I am. It's just a better way to live life, ya know? Happy--even fake happy is better than emo grunge band depressed.
But, it's a real pain in the ass in the dating world.
Let me explain: because of my Suzi Sunshine disposition, I am inclined to believe you when you say things to me. When you say you want to date me and only me, I believe you. When you say you want to run off to Rome with me, I believe you. When we spend every single night together and you tell me you miss me when I'm away--I believe you. I wouldn't say I am gullible (maybe I am), but, when it comes to matters of the heart, I am entirely too trusting.
Even with as burned, battered, and bruised as I am, I still trust, still believe. Because, as dumb as it is, I hold onto hope. Onto the fact that we can be inclined for good. That people mean what they say. Although every single experience I've had over the last year has been otherwise.
What I need to do, is harden myself. Figure out how to not trust, how to not believe. How to just hear the words and let them slide off me. Not to let them get into my soul and twist me all up inside.
But, how? How do I pretend I don't care? Because y'all, I care. I care about everything. I am empathetic to a leaf on tree for godsakes!
This week, I am making the epic mistake of going to the symphony with an ex, RC, whom, I still haven't told you about because it's still to hard and also, I don't even know what to say. We've remained friends, which, sometimes is great, other times, it's gut wrenchingly horrible and I want to stab myself in the eye because he's a big big jerk who I loved and who has gotten to know sides of me hidden for so long that I can't cut him out of my life because I need someone who knows THAT version of me. Jesus.
And he is the bastard who doesn't trust, who doesn't believe, who cannot commit. So, basically, I need him to be my Jedi Master.
And also, I need to find a super hot, maybe somewhat slutty dress to wear to the symphony. Very "You Messed Up And Lost This", you know. Oh lawsy mercy, I am an idiot. But, free tickets to the symphony from my former boss? I couldn't say no!!
How do you get over the pain? How do you turn your heart off and stop trusting? How?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)