Sorry I haven't been keeping y'all updated, but, there isn't a whole lot to tell, I haven't been dating lately. I can't bring myself to go through the hurt and the disappointment again.
I just don't feel like My Person is out there, and I don't really see the reason to waste my time with men who aren't My True Love and hurt me anyway, ya know?
Instead, I just pick at wounds that I'm trying to heal, and, it won't end well, I am sure. One minute, I feel like I can handle it, I can be strong and it doesn't impact me any longer. And then BAM! I am suddenly right back where I don't want to be. My stomach is doing somersaults and my face gets flushed and I can't wait to see him again.
It's so dumb. I'm certain that person is My Person, I'm certain we are Perfect For Each Other, but, I have to remember the hurt, the bad things he did, the heartbreak he caused. As human nature, we can dull the pain, forget it--much like childbirth I imagine, and focus on the good. The good times, the laugher, the friendship--we remember that. And in these times, these dark times, I remember that, the joy, the bond we shared, and I cling to it. Hoping it can work. Hoping we can get our act together. Hoping beyond hope.
Not able to put that box away, like I thought I did. Unable to close that door. Unsure if I ever will be able to. Holding the hope that someone will make me forget him, forget us, and finally, finally, close that door.
But, we aren't there yet.
Because, after explosions in West, and tornadoes in Oklahoma, he was the only one to reach out and check on me.
He'd seen the news on the Beeb and was worried about me. Which makes it all the worse.
Thanks, for that one, Mother Nature.....
The door won't close.
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